Jenna Black's Blog Experiment

Wherein romance author Jenna Black plunges into the terrifying new territory of blogging . . .


 

Monday, July 09, 2007

What if you could curse your enemies?

Congratulations to Heather from MySpace, who won last week's contest. (See the end of this post for contest rules, and see my Father's Day post for an explanation of where this all came from.)

The Question:
What if you could curse your enemies? Who would you curse, and what would your curse be? Please DO NOT name names--you never know who could stumble across your post.

I usually post my own response to the question, but this time I'm going to post my father's, because it was so wickedly inventive. I'm leaving out the part about who he would invoke this curse on.

My curse: May you be plagued, relentlessly, with the annoyances and frustrations of daily life and may the cumulative effect inexorably drive you into the looney bin:

May every plane you board sit on the tarmac for one hour before departure.
Whenever you drive around New England to see the fall foliage, may your engine overheat.
May your tennis playing skills deteriorate such that you can no longer beat your wife.
When you go to the U. S. Open at Forrest Hills may you discover at the gate that your tickets were for yesterday, not today.
May a mutation of chemical resistant termites invade your home.
May the cork deteriorate in the bottle of wine you have been saving for years for a special occasion.
May your next fender-bender be with the local chief of police on his way to a picnic with his family on a nice Sunday afternoon.
May your entire family be gathered for Thanksgiving and you discover that your wife forgot to turn on the oven.
May your TV screen go blank during the Superbowl.
May your social security checks inexplicably start going to the wrong address.
May all your grandchildren send you wallets for Xmas.

May leaves clog your rainspouts every time it rains.

May you never find out what's causing the rattle in your car.

May the telephone sellers call you every hour.

May your body chemistry change such that eating charcoal broiled steaks gives you a rash.

May your home be the only one on the block to be reassessed.

May you be the one selected at random by the IRS for a total audit.

May all the white flies in your neighborhood decide that your tomato plants are the most tasty.

As a penalty for a traffic violation, may the judge sentence you to three years of jury duty.

When you decide to sell your treasured 18th century Persian rug may Sotheby's tell you that it's a 20th century copy.

May you discover that your wife sent the shirt with the winning lottery ticket in the pocket to the laundry.

Contest rules:
Answer the "what if" question in a comment, either on Blogger or on MySpace. Next week, I will draw a winner from amongst the contest entrants. The winner will receive a set of autographed cover flats from the first three Guardians of the Night books. Answers must be posted by Sunday, July 15. Only one answer per commenter will be entered in the drawing (though if you want to leave multiple answers, you can!)

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2 Comments:

At 8:21 PM, Blogger Kalayna-Nicole Price said...

well it is way past deadline for this question, but this was such a neat 'what if' and I wanted to post, so here is the curse I came up with. (oh yeah...and I would wish this on NO ONE, ever, for fear of the karma backlash!)

...A writers curse...

May you never properly conjugate a sentence again.

May all your dialogue sound as intriguing as fingernails across a chalkboard.

May your spellcheck automatically change all your words into l33t speech.

May all your metaphors and attempts at wit fail by being vague or cliche.

and lastly,

May a book with the same premise and character names debut one week before your release.


Okay, that's my curse. Glad to hear you had a good time at National!

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger Jenna Black said...

Remind me not to get on your bad side! LOL You definitely know how to hit a writer where it hurts. (I especially love the novel with the same premise debuting a week before. Diabolical!)

 

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